Staying alone, with a history of self harm,
Hiding my diagnostic labels - why keep the rumor mills warm,
I'm a young boy, for whose studies, my father took a loan,
I'm average on all fronts, and my dreams are but vaporized and gone.
Moved to a new city, from being a topper to one amongst many,
The marks shake my confidence, the voice says - you are no good any.
Misunderstandings creep up, with the girl on whom I have a crush,
I feel trapped and hopeless - desire to escape, decide in a rush.
I'm close with my sister, at 3 am I can call her up,
I believe in a higher power, my time's still not up.
I find joy when I study physics, I find meaning in my ordeal,
Only a few months left for the test, living till then no big deal.
Irrespective of the risk factors, triggers or protection that might have I,
If you hadn't been the last straw on which I could lean, that day I would have been forced to die.
Note: This poem is a part of a collection of poems titled Flotsam and Jetsam. You can read them below:
If you are outside India, you can order a digital copy here.
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