My Unfinished Conquest

The first victory, is over self,

To teach others, first DIY.  

To master habits, to succeed in this world,  

First learn to meditate, sit empty without a word.

 

Hold gently your emotions, let them settle down,  

Don't get buoyed by joy, or with sadness drown.   

Respond if you must, but don't react in haste, 

Create ripples in others, don't let contagion go waste.  

 

Doubts will surface, there will be negative self-talk,

Feed the one you want to win, keep the other wolf in lock.

Let the thoughts drift away, just observe and get transformed,  

You don't need to be in control, just let go and be reformed. 

 

I've conquered my emotions, my thoughts, my actions, even my needs,

I've yet to conquer my love for you- for you my heart still beats, and bleeds.   

Evolution of an Artist as a Young Man

I was once ambitious, I don't take myself seriously now,

There's no need to be exceptional- I'm relieved and how! 

There are masterpieces to be birthed, I am sure there will be others,

I have passed the baton forward, spare me the lecture brothers! 

I was once adventurous, dare-devilry my middle name,

I would play with themes and forms, I'm just bored of the game.

Epics and paeans yet to be written,  I will let others heed the call,

I've stopped scaling the peaks- I'm thereby protected from the fall. 

 

I was once anguished, now the world doesn't hurt me much,

I don't need to nurture my wounds, I've grown thick skin as such. 

There are Mahadevs eagerly waiting, to devour poison from the ocean's churn,

I let others fight injustices, I don't need to stay in Hell and with inferno burn.  

I was artistic once, creating beauty, without worrying too much, about its utility,

Now I'm a sharpshooter, with you as target, and have laser-guided poems, in my kitty. 

First Believe

I've failed on many fronts, setbacks are deep and many,

Not afraid to tank again, I can face challenges any.  

If my right hand toils hard, left hand will surely lift the trophy,

If you believe, then you'll succeed; do you understand, do you copy?

 

I've been miserable and sad, emotions often take nosedive,  

Not afraid of my sensitivity, to all experiences I give high five.

If I can make someone laugh, the ripples will encircle me too, 

If you trust, you'll become happy, smiling is the right thing to do. 

 

I've felt empty and rudderless, drifting aimlessly with the wind,

Not afraid to meet absurdity, I'm slowly becoming thick-skinned.

If I can make the mundane live, I'll leave a mark on this date,

If you have faith, you'll find meaning, in your ordinary fate.

 

I've been morally bankrupt, acting wayward with gumption,  

I'll mend my ways, be upright, you have to believe I'm within redemption. 

Proving Myself

We'll destroy your career, said the tenants, when I was a young lad of sixteen,

Create a nuisance, hinder your JEE prep, and boy, every word did they mean! 

Challenged to prove myself, I was livid and studied double hard,

By securing a top 100 rank, I brought down their extortion card.  

 

I'll destroy your career, said the dean, when I interacted with a fresher at IITD,

Just pack your bags and disappear by morning, we can't let 'errant' students go scot-free. 

Compelled to prove my innocence, I was disoriented, but remained firm,

Made him apologize in writing, though couldn't make him resign before his term.

 

He'll destroy your career, said the team mates, when I antagonized my super boss,

The economy is bad, your comrades took a hit, if you're fired next, its nobody's loss,  

Confronted to prove my strength, I kept my job, though lost my sanity,

That I'm open about my being bipolar, and still flourishing, what a pity. 

 

They'll destroy you, said the voices, if all you do is try to prove,

There are two sides to a coin, so grin and bear it, and just improve. 

Dreams Audit

Dreams of childhood are adventurous, I wanted to be a detective or spy,

I met with friends in secret hideouts, to visit crime scenes we did try.

As teenage dawned, so did reality, dreams trumped by a specific plan,

- To score well in a particular examination, to bring pride to my clan.

Dreams of youth are ambitious, I wanted to prevent the third world war,

Tried twice to become a diplomat -  the Mains exam were the toughest so far.

The almost adult in me made peace, and moved quietly on in life,

Settled to be a regular 9 to 5, and a husband to a doting wife.

Dreams of middle age are audacious, I wanted to work towards zero suicide,

In mission mode I would drive myself, with the team steadfast by my side.

Half went this way, half went that way, just me and my shadow remains,

While people keep dying left and right, I choose to craft poems of pains.

Dreams of old age are annihilating, they consume you to the core,

Of who you are, what could have been, and what life has still in store.

What's Your Identity?

I don't need motivation, I need an identity,

If I am a poet, I'll write daily, sharing my suffering and serenity.

I'll make this a priority, pick paper, pen, keyboard, 

I'll share my wounds with the world, not suppress with silence and hoard.

   

I don't need habits, I need an identity,

If I am a marathoner, I'll daily run, maul the city. 

I won't need artificial tricks, putting my running shoes besides my bed, 

I'll be eagerly waiting for the dawn, for a chance to trot and tread. 

 

I don't need goals, I need an identity,

If I am a reader, I'll daily absorb pages- five or fifty.

I won't need challenges, to track the books I read in a year,  

I'll finish what nourishes me, and discard others, that much is clear. 

I don't need endorsements, I have a firm identity,

I'm a nationalist and pro defense, if you're a peacenik, that's a pity.

 

Starting Up

I'm starting a startup, the hopes are high,

When the business takes a nosedive, it hurts like hell, I won't lie.   

They ask me to pivot, in panic sell on my dreams,

I'm at nadir and still unruffled, that's what commitment means.

 

I'm starting a startup, its literally burning a hole,

As I slog to make it succeed, my health takes a toll.

Disabled, incapacitated, I'm on the verge of collapse,

If I stick to steadfast self care, there might be a turnaround perhaps?

 

I'm starting a startup, with partners enjoying honeymoon,

As we wake up to reality, there will be conflicts soon.

Relations did get ruptured, there's too much angst,  

I'm figuring how to not shriek, while we go through birth pang.

  

De-identified from my body, I'm still learning to be calm,

If I have control over my mind, the world is my palm. 

Where Do I Fit In?

India's on a war on many fronts, the defense budget needs to increase,

How much money you'll contribute, my friends mock me and tease. 

I'll pay my taxes, surcharge too, a large part I'll donate, 

But if your earnings are minuscule, will the impact be that great? 

India's on a war on many fronts, it needs some cutting edge tech,

Will you return to the tech field, read again RFPs and write spec?

I missed my chance during Kargil, this time I'm more mature,  

But if your core skills are outdated, will they take you, are you sure?

 

India's on a war on many fronts, it needs soldiers on the border, 

Will you voluntarily risk your life, or be inducted by an order?

I'm itching to go if they'll take me, most likely I'll be in civil defense,  

But if you don't reduce your pot belly, you'll be a liability, is my 2 cents. 

India's on a war on many fronts, it needs poems of resolve and eternal hope,

I'll sing while you earn, make tech & fight, so in night you can heal, and in day you can cope. 

Let Down

There was an entertainment greater than IPL, I'm feeling let down,

It was abruptly put in abeyance, on social media by some clown.

I had just started getting accustomed, to blackouts and daily swarms,

Even before the match could start, the referee made me lay the arms.  

Nothing unites the country, like cricket and IPL,

To become the third largest economy, in how much did we sell?

War leads to nothing but destruction, especially in border states,

You better bleed by thousand cuts, they've left us to our fates.

 

It was supposed to be a 5 day test, I'm feeling let down,

How we collapsed and it got over, is the talk of the town. 

Was it the nuclear bogey, the US, China, do I care?

That my armed forces were forced to declare, by some politician, how dare!

 

I'll call him a politician, as a leader he's lost respect,

Why do we dress cowardice as love for peace, I'll let you circumspect.

Getting The Narrative Right

War is propaganda, lies and deceit,

No one asked for religion, killers aren't that discreet.

It was a false flag operation, a pretext to take PoK,

To decimate madrasas in retaliation, how can that be OK?

 

They are making it communal, they are a divided house,

Their drones target own gurudwaras, in this game of cat and mouse.  

They killed innocent family members, might have downed a civilian flight,

Their missiles land in other nations, while we daily destroy them in night.

 

They are getting their nukes ready, we are ready to de escalate, 

They are a war mongering rogue nation, while we are for love not hate.

We are in an economic crisis, they are taking advantage undue,

Bail us one more time, then we'll show our colors true.

 

War is propaganda, lies and deceits,  

Why we fall for enemy narratives, my comprehension beats.

Just Observe

Tangled in a web of thoughts, that desperately needs untying, 

I pull frenetically at loose ends, as it tightens I end up crying.

I need to be gentle and patient, as I move back and forth,

Let me loosen their grip on me, they won't bother me henceforth. 

 

Overpowered by heavy emotions, I'm crumbling under their weight,

They say not to fight your feelings, but for this moment to pass wait.

The more you push against it, the more you'll get pulled in the swamp,

It's better to accept where you're stuck, no matter how torrid or damp.

 

Caught in conflicting interactions, pulled into an email flame,

Triggered by the usual slighting, resorting to calling name.

Just observe your habitual patterns, as if detached and from above,

You'll realize where you have control, and where there's scope for love.  

You tell me to watch my behavior, that they are nothing but feelings and thoughts,

That they'll disappear in thin air, while the world continues to tie me up in knots. 

Motivational Talk

I'm hardly prepared, the test is near,

Don't despair, there's still time dear. 

If you can't complete, just focus and revise,

To best study in remaining days, is a strategy wise.

 

I've not done good, the test is over,

You should have prepared more, is a learning sober.  

Que Sera Sera, don't lose hope, just be positive,

That you'll fail spectacularly, you're only being imaginative. 

 

I've failed as expected, the test results came,

To give multiple attempts, is just part of the game.

Brush off this setback, you can always restart,

To rewrite history, become a winner, don't play the victim card.

 

We've failed as a system, obsessed with JEE and NEET,

Performance is the top ranker, but can well-being get a seat?